In Memory of Bethany Rose

Today I am going to blog about something that is of a very sensitive nature.

No, it is not about anything that is politically sensitive, it is not about issues to do with morality or the evil roads that our nation and many other nations are going down in regards to marriage and relationships. It is about a personal experience that my family and I have recently been through.

Four weeks ago on a Monday early afternoon I had a call from my son to say that his wife had been to the midwife for a check up as they were expecting their first child in June, but something seemed to be wrong and so they had to go down to the hospital for a further examination and ultra sound.

 An hour or so later he rung me again as I was walking through the town centre of Rhyl where we live with the news that no one likes to hear, ‘Dad, we’ve lost the baby’ I was stunned, shocked and there in the middle of the street with people all around me I began to cry.

It was to be their first child, our first grand child and yet suddenly all the plans and the excitement about the forthcoming birth were turned upside down.

‘Can you come down to the hospital please’ he asked, ‘And bring mum’

 I went as quickly as I could to the school where ‘mum’ (Elaine) worked and asked if I could urgently speak to her. I guess within about 40 minutes we walked into the hospital side ward where Robert and Abigail were sitting, stunned with the shock of the news they had just been told. Words cannot express how we felt; in fact we didn’t know what to say. There were hugs and tears and moments of silence.

 They explained to us what was happening, Abigail would have to return to the hospital on the Wednesday to be induced to give birth to the baby.

The next few days for us as Roberts parents were very tough, but I cannot begin to imagine how tough they must have been for Robert and Abigail. All the excitement, all the preparation and anticipation suddenly destroyed, taken away from them.

The birth took place late on the Thursday evening and Bethany Rose Greenow was stillborn she was 26 weeks old.

She was beautiful – we were able to see her and to hold her. Those will be moments that I will treasure for the rest of my life.

The following days were dark and difficult – for Robert and Abigail in particular, we felt it as well, and for us we had to continue as much as possible with life as normal.  The funeral was arranged and finally took place a week later on Friday 15^th March in the local cemetery here in Rhyl. It was a beautiful service, just the immediate family around the graveside, celebrating a child and grandchild who never saw the natural sunlight but who was already enjoying the Son-light presence of Jesus.

We could have asked lots of questions, we would probably never know the answers, but in it all we have known that the God whom we love and serve as a family has been with us, his faithfulness, his love, his mercy and compassion have been never ending and unfailing. Many would ask, “Where was God?” My answer is firmly and definitely this, “He was with us” without any shadow of doubt, as the well-known ‘Footsteps in the sand’ poem, says, He was lifting us up and carrying us through.

How did we cope? I can only really assess myself here. I am not only Robert’s father but I happen to also be his pastor, he attends my Church! But on this occasion I have to be honest that I had to put my ‘pastor’ hat to one side and more importantly I had to be his ‘father’. (Thank God we had a retired pastor in the Church who took on the pastoral role for me.) I have to admit that in all of this experience one of the hardest things for me was as ‘dad’ to see my son hurting, it caused me to hurt as well. But I am proud of him and his wife for the way in which they have so far come through this experience.

 In the days that followed I spent a lot of time alone at home while the children and my wife were at school and I began to spend a lot of time in worship. I started to listen to more music than I normally do and it is just amazing how God began to deal with me, to speak to my hurts, to help me with my grieving and time and time again I would suddenly stop as the words of songs would grab my attention, reminding me of the faithfulness of God, reminding me that God is in control, reminding me that all things work together for good to them who are called. I can honestly say that in the immediate days that followed I grieved over the loss of our stillborn grandchild as much as I grieved when I lost my mum to cancer just a little over 9 years ago, I knew my mum for 43 years, I never knew Bethany as a healthy living child but she was our granddaughter, my son and daughter in laws daughter and yet at the same time as grieving I never lost my joy and I was constantly reminded that the Joy of the Lord is your strength (Nehemiah 8:10 The Bible)

During this time, I still had to lead services, still had to preach sermons, still had to fulfill other important pastoral roles, but God was alongside me, I thank him for a great wife and great children but also for those in the Churches which I pastored who helped to take on tasks for me to allow me to be at home when needed over the couple of weeks that followed this experience. On the Sunday the day before the Monday when things took place I was due to preach in my Church in Wrexham but as we began to worship the Lord the service just progressed into a real time of sensing and knowing the presence of God, God ministered to many but looking back I can see how God was doing something in my life that would strengthen me during the following weeks. Even the Sunday after we had buried Bethany I hadn’t intended to speak for long during the evening service because I was in the place where I needed ministering to and God stepped in and ministered to me that evening. Incidentally that evening I was going to speak on some verses in relationship to healing, with three thoughts:

God heals our diseases  – Exodus 15:26

God heals our broken heartedness – Psalm 147:3 

God heals the backslider – Hosea 14:4

I did speak for a little while on the above thoughts and that evening God began to powerfully heal my broken heartedness – I dare anyone to say to me that God does not exist – he met with me in a new way that evening and man cannot deny me the experience I have had.

Four weeks have now passed since that phone call from Robert, life has continued but so has the faithfulness of God. Other things have happened during the same period of time, which I will not comment upon in this blog but may speak of in a blog at a later time.

 I will end by putting up the words of a couple of the songs, which have really blessed me over the last few weeks. I hope I haven’t broken any copyright laws by adding them, if so I apologize to the owners of the copyrights but sometime the sharing of words from songs can be a blessing and means of healing for others.

And we know that all things work together

Yes we know that all things work together

For those who are called

Those who love God

Those who are called

Called to Your purpose 

All things work together

All things work together

All things work together

Work together for good

So we lift up our hearts

Lift up our hands

Lift up our hope in You

Though we may not yet understand

We know it’s true

_____________________________

 

I thought that it would happen to anyone but me

I never dreamed that I would carry this heavy burden on my knees

I never thought that I’d be standing

Just where I stand today

I’ve never known this kind of heartbreak

I’ve never felt this kind of pain

 

You’re still God when my eyes have cried a million tears

You’re still God when my last hope has disappeared

You’re still God and I know you’ll make a way somehow

You’re still God and you’re holding me right now

 

My heart can’t find the answer for the reason for this trial

And Lord I know your ways are perfect

And you’ve been watching all the while

For to me you’ve proven faithful and time and time again

And I’m learning Lord to trust you even when I don’t understand

  

Article © Haydn Greenow 2013.

With thanks to Robert and Abigail for allowing me to post this blog

 

 

If you or anyone has been affected with a similar experience

 

I recommend the following book for reading

 

by Sarah Williams

 

ISBN 1-84291-179-1